Almost a year later

I still think about you. You still cross my mind everyday and I don't know what to think. I always go back to the days when we started and how everything was perfect. I think about how we started in a negative way and I regret that the most. I wish we had never lied to my parents when you first came over and I know that most of our problems were my fualt. I was mistrustful and jealous. I never wanted to share you and I always felt like I was when you were around him. You were so wonderful, I always felt like you would be swept away by someone who was older and seemed to be more mature. I was worried that you would be drug into old habits and begin to see that those habits had no place in my life and you would leave me. It wasn't because I thought he was better than me, I just thought you would like to live a life I couldn't with him. I worried every day because I knew you desired a life that had more country fun in it and I knew I would never be able to supply it. It makes me wonder if I had been different, maybe more like Scott or Sheldon you would have been happier. It makes me wonder if being with me made you live a lie; it makes me wonder if you were the real you. I never wanted you to leave but after I started to live my life in relation to yours... I knew then that it was over. I couldn't keep smoking weed and drinking to make it seem like I was someone you could spend the rest of your life with. It makes me sad thinking about our time together. I regret always wanting more sex or always wanting you to be different once I began to see my life wouldn't coincide with yours. I loved you so much, it broke my heart when I realized this.